When you say nothing at all
by dreamrag
Summary: Jude enjoys the time between missions with the people he loves. [Jude/Ludger] [Slash]


Jude watches as Ludger plays with Elle and Lulu, breathing the smell of smoke mixed with strong scent of wet leaves that surrounds them in this part of Trigraph. Soon, they will be heading towards their next destination, and something in the back of his mind tells him this fleeting moment of happiness will shatter. But he refuses to think that now. Now, they are enjoying a moment with their loved ones, trying to get their minds off the battle field for once, because tomorrow they may not be there anymore.

He grimaces at the thought. No. They'll be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that…

"Jude!" Elle calls, waving furiously at him. "Come on!" She laughs as Ludger lifts her from the ground, and she closes her eyes and waves her little arms as if she were flying way up in the sky.

Jude laughs, than stands and clean his clothes before dashing to their side. Ludger smiles at him when he is close enough, and Jude has to bite his tongue so he won't blurt out something that could give away his feelings. Instead, he blushes as Ludger keeps on smiling. And Elle watches them in question as she is lowered to the ground.

"Come, Jude. It's your turn to push me," she says, pulling him along to the nearby swing. He wonders for a moment, if he could stop time and prevent these little moments of joy from fading away. But he is not Khronos; he cannot stop the time, nor turn it back. So he pushes Elle's swing, higher and higher, and the sun shines on her hair as bright as her smile, making his thoughts wander away for a while.

From the corner of his eyes, he watches as Ludger lies down on the grass and closes his eyes. He forgets Elle and Lulu for a moment, and his hand twitches to reach for the strand of hair lying on Ludger's peaceful face. This feeling is not new, it began the moment he met Ludger at Trigraph. Yes, there was Milla before him, but it would never work between them, with her living so far away. He realized that; and he moved on. Ludger is a man, true, but his heart never really cared about something as silly as that. Without thinking, his hand reaches out. He has longed to touch that soft, pale skin for a long time now — his body trembles at the mere thought.

Then he realizes midway what he is about to do and jerks his hand away. He is horrified to think that someone could have seen that and returns to pushing Elle instead. He focuses on the rhythmic sound of the swing, going back and forth and his mind drifts away once again. He imagines Ludger's voice calling him, whispering in his ear and saying something to him that makes him laugh.

A split second later he feels a sharp pain on his head and everything fades to black.

"J … u … d … e …" someone says. It's faint as if coming from very far, and all he sees is darkness. When he tries to open his eyes he fails miserably. "Jude…" he hears again, only louder. "Wake up, Jude!" He wants to, badly, but his body seems to ignore his mind screaming for it to wake. Then he feels a soft hand — with some calluses from wielding a weapon — touching his face, leaving warmth wherever it lands, and Jude's body automatically responds by leaning on its touch.

"Jude," a different voice calls him; it is barely a whisper, but he hears it nonetheless. He gathers all his strength and this time, manages to slightly open his eyes, meeting Elle's worried face above him. "Jude!" She smiles and hugs him as tight as she can, as if afraid he will faint again, and Jude notices that her little body is trembling. He holds her tighter. "I'm sorry," she mumbles into his shirt, but loud enough that he can hear.

"It's okay," he says, pulling her back so he can look into her eyes. "I'm okay. See?" He says and pats his body to show he's all right, except for the headache that keeps him from moving. A sharp pain suddenly breaks into his head, forcing him to squint his eyes and groan. That warm hand returns to his forehead, rubbing it gently to try to ease his suffering.

When the pain eases a little, Jude turns to Ludger, who manages something between a smile and a frown as he massages Jude's scalp gently and holds Jude's body up, so he won't hit his head again.

Jude blushes, and mutters a "Thanks," before he lets himself be pulled straight up and taken to a doctor. He won't be dying any time soon, much to his delight, and now he has the necessary drugs to stand through the pain. They return home a few hours later — after he assures every one of his friends that he will not not be leaving this world because of a small concussion. Musee says she would not mind him living with her, which leaves him quite amused.

At Ludger's apartment, Elle snores softly from her place on the couch with Lulu at her feet, as Jude and Ludger prepare dinner. Actually, it is more like Ludger prepares dinner as Jude watches him. It's a very homely scene, that leaves a warm feeling in his heart. Ludger pays no mind to him standing there and chops the tomatoes (those things again!) as Jude admires his long fingers in silence. He then remembers the feel of those fingers on his skin and blushes, thinking how good they would feel in other places.

His still aching head berates him for thinking that when a new battle is about to come, but his body does not seem to care, and his hand reaches forward to touch those slender fingers that had touched him earlier that day. Only this time he can't seem to bring them back, and all too soon he is grasping Ludger's hand into his, and Ludger is looking at him with those green eyes and a blank expression on his face.

"I…," Jude tries to say anything that may explain his boldness, but he can't think of anything to say, really.

Ludger watches him in silence, as if waiting for something, the tomato lying on the counter-top long forgotten.

"I'm…," Jude begins again, but then the words die on his lips as Ludger's face comes incredibly close. "Ludg-" he tries to say, but then he is cut off by Ludger's moist lips upon his willing ones.

There is a moment where Jude does nothing, just let their lips be pressed together. Until his head connects with his body, and he realizes what is happening, and without thinking twice kisses Ludger back.

The kiss is simple and innocent — Jude has barely any experience —, but still manages to take Jude's breath away. Ludger holds him close as they kiss, one hand coming up to touch his face. The moment is all too sweet and Jude hopes this isn't one of his fantasies, that invade his mind every night; Ludger's smile through their kiss is proof enough that this is real. And he thinks how Ludger's touch is even better than he imagined.

When they break apart, Ludger brings him close and whisper words that only Jude can hear. Jude clings to him, never wanting to let go.

He knows they may not all come back alive in the end, or even before that, but for now he will enjoy these little moments of peace and love with the people he cares about.

Ludger seems to agree, for he holds Jude tighter, silently showing that he too doesn't want to let go.

And if depends on any of them, they won't.


End file.
